Tainted Love: Charlie's Story
by hellacullen duskwatcher
Summary: A look inside the heart and soul of Charlie Swan. Find out exactly what makes a man turn to such extreme religion. Written as a companion piece for Tainted Love.


**This is a collaboration piece between Duskwatcher and HellaCullen, written as a companion piece to HellaCullen's story, Tainted Love. If you have not read it yet, got check it out!**

http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/4953628/1/Tainted_Love

* * *

As I sat in the crowded church, my body going numb from the uncomfortable pew, I found myself unable to concentrate on the sermon that was being given. Normally I would have Bella with me to keep me in check, but she wasn't feeling well today and had stayed home to rest. Today, my thoughts kept wandering back in time to the circumstances that had brought us to where we were today. In other words, I found myself thinking of Renee.

In the end, the whole situation had been my fault. The pastor had made that very clear when he spoke to me that day. I had failed to fullfill my role as the leader and protector of my family. Because I had failed to do so, my wife was gone, and her sins would fall on my shoulders. There was nothing more I could do but to sit back and wait for God's wrath to unfold.

_Where did I gone wrong?_

I had always enjoyed music growing up. I'd had every Beatles album ever released in my collection. The melodic tunes had always made my spirit feel uplifted, much like church did now. Poor, deluded youth that I had been I didn't recognize the devil's handiwork until it had been too late. Of course, the preacher said that evil comes in the most pleasing of forms, so it would only make sense that I'd been fooled.

Why had I let things get so out of control? Why had I not seen the truth? That first night I'd seen Renee singing in that bar, I'd thought it was the sexiest performance I had ever witnessed. She'd been a vision in a short black dress, swaying her hips as she belted out the lyrics of Janis Joplin's "Piece of My Heart." The raw emotion and sensuality of her singing had completely entranced me.

With sweaty palms, I had waited for her as she exited the stage, trying to think of something smooth to say. I couldn't remember our exact conversation, but she had eagerly let me buy her a drink. We'd talked for hours, sharing our hopes and dreams over pitchers of Coors. She'd been majoring in elementary education at the local college, but what she'd really wanted to be was a famous singer. I'd blindly and recklessly encouraged her to follow her passion, even offering to help her find a band.

Needless to say, by the end of the night I was taking her home with me. I hadn't realized that the devil was lurking in the shadows, watching me and laughing.

* * *

I knew right away that I wanted to marry Renee one day, but I had no idea that it would happen so fast. We had only been dating for a couple of months when she informed me that she was pregnant. At first she refused my suggestion to get married, telling me that we were too young and not ready for that kind of commitment. However, she soon realized that she wasn't ready to be a single mom either. I assured her that we were doing the right thing, that I would take care of her—that nothing would change.

Of course, everything changed.

Renee worked hard to juggle being a wife and a mother. She managed to finish college, but her schedule left no time for a music career. I tried to help her out as best as I could, but I was working two jobs at the time, doing my best to keep food on our table and clothes on our backs. Life took its toll on both of us, but it was Renee's spirit that dwindled down to almost nothing. I found my new joy in our daughter, Bella, but it never seemed to be enough for Renee.

As Bella got a bit older, we found ourselves a little more settled. Renee was able to take on a teaching position at Bella's school, allowing me to cut out my second job. I encouraged Renee to start back with her singing, as I was now available to look after Bella in the evenings. That was all it took for the spark to re-ignite in Renee's soul, and it wasn't long before things started to return to normal—or so I thought.

She started out fairly slow, singing karaoke at a local country music bar. I would wait up for her at night, her excitement making up for the missed hours of sleep. At some point, she met up with a couple of musicians, and they started up a band. They played a variety of country, blues, and rock songs, traveling to all of the local hot spots to play. It took up a lot of her time, and she wasn't at home very much. Bella and I managed, though. I cooked and cleaned as best as I could, and Bella seemed to thrive on all of the extra attention she was getting from her dad. It was a rare occasion when I was able to watch Renee perform, but there were times when I would find a sitter and be able to accompany her to the gigs. I was so proud of her!

I was also such a fool. Looking back, all the signs were there, but I refused to believe them.

Nothing could have prepared me for the day that she decided to leave. I came home after a long day of work and found the living room covered in suitcases and boxes.

"Renee?" I yelled over and over as I frantically searched the house for her. She was up in Bella's room. I walked in to find her sitting on the bed and Bella curled up in the corner, legs pulled tight to her chest, crying hysterically. Bella reached for me, and I immediately ran to her and pulled her up into a big hug.

"It's okay, Daddy's home." I soothed her until her crying was reduced to mere hiccupping and then turned to face Renee. "What in the hell is going on here?" I was getting angry at that point.

"Charlie, please don't look at me like that. You and I both knew this was coming. Did you really think you could keep me locked up in this cage forever?"

"A cage? This isn't a cage, it's our marriage. It's our family."

She looked at me, her eyes hard and uncaring. "If I stay in this house, in this hick town, for one more minute, I'm going to go insane."

"So—so you're leaving me? Is that it? You're just going to leave after everything we've shared?"

Renee stopped packing and crossed her arms. "Charlie, look, I tried. I really, really tried. I just can't do this. I need to be free!"

"Free? Is there anything I don't let you do? I work all day and take care of the house and Bella all night so that you can be free to do whatever you want!"

"That's just it, Charlie. You think you are allowing me to do this. This is my life, and I am not going to waste it in some podunk town so my gravestone can read what a great pie-maker I was." She turned back to her packing. "I have to leave. I just have to."

I ran my hand through my hair. How could you live with someone day after day and never know their mind? "So, where is it that you plan on going?"

"I've got this friend who is really interested in my singing. He found our band through the website, but he thinks I've got the most potential. He's going to take me to California to give it a go."

I couldn't believe it. She was throwing away our lives, our family for this? "Let me get this straight. You are walking away from me—from your life—with some yahoo you met online, and you think I'm just going to let this happen?"

She sighed. "You don't have to _let me_. See, that's the problem with this whole _marriage thing_. You act like I'm some piece of property, but I belong to no one!"

I mumbled a variety of curses under my breath, as I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her out of Bella's room. "Listen here! If you don't want to be with me anymore, then I'm not going to force you. However, there's a little girl in there who loves you very much. Tell me, exactly how does _she_ fit in with your new lifestyle?"

"I don't know, Charlie. Maybe when things get going for me, I'll send for her." She couldn't even look me in the eye. "God! I've got enough on my plate as it is right now. Bella will be fine. I have complete faith in you."

"If I'm so great, then how come you can just walk away from me?"

She crossed her arms in front of her. "It's complicated. It's not just you, it's all of this." She waved her hand vaguely in the air.

"Renee, don't do this. I'm begging you."

Her expression turned from distaste to pity. "Listen, Charlie, I was never meant for this kind of life."

I had to ask her. "Don't you love me?"

"Oh, Charlie, I'll always love you. How could I not?"

What could possibly be so bad about our life that she had to leave it all behind? A thought struck me. Musicians often had substance abuse problems. Maybe one of the guys from the band had gotten her hooked on something bad. Maybe she really didn't understand what she was saying or doing. "Renee, are you on drugs?"

"Don't be absurd! I smoke a little pot before the gigs, but you know I'm not stupid enough for any of that other stuff."

"Honestly, I'm not sure that I know you at all." I shook my head in bewilderment. "The woman I married would never be able to break a vow to God without so much as blinking."

"I'm done talking about this!" She started down the hall, leaving me outside the door to Bella's room.

The thought of that little girl having to get by without her mother made my heart ache."What about Bella? How am I supposed to explain how you just abandoned her?"

"God, stop being so dramatic!" She waved off my concerns like they were flies she was brushing from her face. "I'm not abandoning her. I'm leaving her safe and sound with her father, not letting her freeze to death on some stranger's doorstep!" She clumped downstairs and out of sight.

* * *

Once the dust had settled, I struggled to keep up a brave front. It wasn't easy; I missed her like crazy, and so did Bella. She kept asking when Renee was coming back, and it broke my heart that I didn't have an answer.

After a couple of months, I got tired of trying to hide my wife's disappearance. Looking for guidance, I broke down and told my pastor how Renee had left me for the life of a musician. Not totally unsympathetic, he was adamant that it was my deficiencies as a husband that had ripped apart my family. He told me in no uncertain terms how badly I had failed Renee in not providing a strong, moral center to the family. He explained that a husband is responsible for his wife's actions, and basically said that I was to blame for letting the devil and his music into my house.

I was too ashamed to show my face in church for a while, and the guilt followed me wherever I went. One day, driven to despair, I found myself confessing all of my sins to a Catholic priest. Not only was he not quick to judge, but he was quick to forgive. He encouraged me to do some one-on-one counseling with him, which I did, glad to find someone in whom I could confide. I so desperately needed to talk to someone about the disintegration of my family. I was lost as to what steps I could take to put Bella's and my life back on track.

Throughout the counseling sessions I learned that I hadn't done anything to cause Renee to leave. However, I also hadn't done anything to prevent it either. He explained to me that evil was lurking everywhere, and that as followers of Christ, we had to be proactive in taking preventative measures to avoid falling into evil's trap. Immediately, I sprung into action, removing all worldly influences within the home, placing Bella in St. Mary's School for Girls, and finding a new church to attend on Sundays. I vowed to be vigilant in protecting Bella from the corrupting influences her mother had fallen prey to. Bella would have an innocent, protected life, out of reach of satanic influences. I would raise her to be a true child of God.

At last, I felt that we were safe—safe in our little bubble that I had created. I was able to smile and laugh as I watched my little girl grow over the years. She still missed her mother, and I couldn't help but fall apart inside each time I heard her whimpering at night. Heck, I missed Renee, too. But she was beyond my ability to reach out and help her, and I needed to ensure that Bella was raised properly and in accordance with God's will. I would not fail Bella as I had Renee.

The day I got the call from Bella's school was my lowest day since Renee had left us so many years back. The nuns were extremely upset by the time I'd gotten there, and they had Bella locked in a room by herself. I tried asking them the specifics on what the problem was, but they just kept ranting on about evil and spirits. It made my blood run cold; had the devil gotten to my little girl as well as her mother? The nuns finally settled down when the headmistress of the school entered the room. She informed me with a sullen voice that Bella could no longer attend school there, but she would pray for us, and gave me the name of a priest who specialized in exorcisms.

It was then that I realized that the Catholic people were somewhat intense, but Bella did have some issues. She was strong-willed like her mother, and I was frightened of what the future would bring. I would have to wield a stricter hand with Bella, to keep her on the path to heaven. I searched my conscious for things I could do better. As I looked around our home, I finally saw how little by little I had let the devil back in. There was the stereo, surely the devil's instrument. The Disney videos, the newspapers and magazines. I loved Bella, and it was hard to deny my little girl when she asked me for something, but I realized, as I had indulged her, I had opened the door to evil again. It was time to reassess and purge the tricks and temptations of the devil from my house. This task must fall to me.

* * *

So, here I was, sitting in church, praying that the worst was over. Bella seemed to have adjusted relatively well to public school, and we hadn't had any more "incidents" with her misbehaving. She even had herself a boyfriend, something that I wasn't overly thrilled about, but it had yet to pose a problem. That Edward seemed like a nice enough boy, and he had a good head on his shoulders. I could only hope that Bella wouldn't run away from him like my Renee did from me so many years ago.

My thoughts were soon interrupted as the sound of the organ filled the room, signaling the end of the service. I rose from my seat and quietly made my way out of the church. My head was still spinning as I got in my car and began the drive home. It was the one thing I hated most about leaving my home. There was a part of me that, no matter how many years passed was always holding its breath, hoping to find my estranged wife waiting for me when I got back.

_Does she even know that I never signed the papers?_

I had never been able to completely give up on her, therefore, I'd never signed the divorce papers. She'd had me served ten years ago, but they still sat in the envelope, untouched to this very day. I had promised her that I would be faithful to her until death, and I'd be damned if I wasn't going to fullfill that promise.

Before I knew it, I was pulling into my driveway. It was empty, as always. I let out the breath that I had been holding, shut off the engine, and made my way inside.

"Bella? I'm home!"

* * *

**A/N: I hope this piece sheds a little light on Charlie's extreme religious behavoir. More Tainted Love to come!**

**Be sure to check out Duskwatcher's new story, A Litany at Dusk. It's Darkward at his best!**

http://www(dot)fanfcition(dot)net/s/5312635/1/A_Litany_at_Dusk


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